Good Old Mr. Personal Sabotage

I have a lot of bad habits...and they're hard to break. I hit the snooze button on my alarm every morning. Twice. I stay up late until 11:00 watching TV, reading or to finish crafts (it's the only "ME" time there is). I personally, but subconsciously, attempt (and usually succeed) to sabotage every diet or weight loss attempt/program I embark....

I did it again last night.

Picture this:

There I was, minding my own business and making my kid's school lunches. Paige likes ham & cheese, Coleton Nutella, and my little 4 yr old Jadyn likes good ole' PB & J. Pretty routine night, aside from coaching my volleyball team's practice, my team also had a scrimmage, which made for a late dinner for the kids and rushed bedtime. So, anyway...back to the lunches. After I made their sandwiches, it was time for the chips. We only buy baked, because if they HAVE to have chips (and my kids HAVE to have chips) then those are better than the alternative. Jadyn likes pretzels, Coleton likes Baked Lays, and Paige likes Pop Chips. (am I a nice mom, or what?! such personalization.) I closed up the chip bags, except for the Pop Chips, and continued with the lunches and putting things away, all the while, subconsciously snacking on the Pop Chips. I had eaten about 20 before I even noticed that I was stuffing my face!

"MELANIE!" my brain was screaming. "WHAT the HECK are you DOING?!?" You see, not only should I not have been eating Pop Chips, but I shouldn't have been eating ANYTHING since yesterday was day 1 of my cleanse.

CRAP. That nasty old MONSTER of a habit, named Personal Sabotage (that I was doing SO WELL detaining) figured a way out of MY CONTROL. There it was, silently slithering it's way back into my life, desperately trying to snatch any control or success I had acquired. He was angry, he was ugly, and he was determined. This is what he looks like:

You know what though? This time Mr. Personal Sabotage did NOT win. He did not succeed in dampening my spirits or deterring me from my goal. No, he did NOT. I reeled that bad habit back into his hole and double locked his cell because I AM IN CONTROL.

We'll see what, if any damage, the sabotage attempt had, but at this point, all I can do is move forward.

After reflecting on the event a little this morning and last night, I've noticed a mean lingering headache and strong snacking urges this cleanse. The past 3 cleanses haven't been nearly as difficult to remain strong...but this cleanse happened to fall on my TOM. While I will complete this cleanse, in the future, as this is my first month on Isagenix, I've decided that cleansing during my TOM isn't a good idea for me. I am feeling tired and this headache will not leave. It may be a little too much for what I can handle. I'll continue to play things by ear, and adjust as necessary for what feels right for me.

I am so proud of myself. Not only did I survive my first sabotage attempt, but I'm not beating myself up about it. I'm not depressed, I'm not reliving it, I'm not discouraged! Old habits are hard to break, and your body will fight you and test your strength, but in time, old habits will be replaced with new habits. Until then, I'll just keep on keepin' on and do my best to remain in control.

3rd cleanse...week 3

I have been sleeping SO WELL. It's amazing. For the past 3 days, I've actually woken (is that a word? Sounds so awkward) up 10 minutes before my alarm sounds. I've been lying in bed, awake and ready to start my day. It is such an amazing feeling. I feel so revived and stress free, and NOTHING in my life has been altered but the addition of Isagenix. I still have an incredibly rushed and stress-filled life. I still have 3 kids who morph from angels to demons in seconds. I still have a full time job, homework assignments & projects to help with, and 3 different sports to shuffle (one of which I coach).

And yet, I seem to be able to handle it better, because I am rested and resilient.

I just re-read my melt down post, and would like to apologize for my momentary loss of control...but I'm not going to. I'm not sorry for anything that happened, for anything that is happening, or anything that may happen to me on this journey. It is what it is...and the uncensored, ugly truth of my story is what will help me (and hopefully others) remember that every struggle makes me stronger. Every obstacle, melt down, incredible feat and event stands as a testament to my accomplishment.

In case you're not aware, I've signed up to do a 1/2 marathon in February. February 19, 2012, to be exact. I'm kind of starting to freak out about it. I need to kick it up a notch and get my butt moving! I know I can do it, I did it 2 years ago, but I was in such better shape and I had a friend do it with me. See? Here we are at the finish line...


This time, I think I'm going solo.

Yeah...freaking out just a little.

I need to keep reminding myself that no success comes without a lot of hard work or pain.

"PAIN & SUFFERING ARE THE BLESSINGS THAT NO ONE WANTS"

I want them.

I want the results that I know come from the blessing, the result that I know I will never achieve just by want alone.

Now if I could just figure out how to make the days a little longer so I could find time to start working out....I think I'll use my new found rested mind & body to my advantage and start waking up 45 minutes earlier!

First 9 day cleanse....completed

Quick summary of recent events:

• September 5 - The day I drank my first ever Isagenix shake
• 215.6 - My starting weight on 9/5/2011
• September 12, 2011 - One week on the Isagenix program
• 211.6 - My weight on 9/12/11
• September 16, 2011 - 9 day cleanse complete
• 205.2 - My weight this morning.
  

Now, if you're following along, and can do simple math, that's a total of 10.4 pounds in 9 days!

I stepped on the scale 3 times, then had my 4 year old step on it, and then I tried again. Every time, it was 205.2. I am still in shock.

Now, I'm not gong to say that I'm not thrilled with the amazing results in just 9 days, but I'm still cautious and not giving my hopes up. I've been here before; great initial results that taper off to plateaus and then regains. Like many of you, I feel like I've tried everything:

Weight Watchers (twice)
Jenny Craig
HCG (twice)
Slim Fast
Diet pills too many to recall or count
and even a more drastic measure that I'm still not ready to fess up to

Each and every attempt I have failed.

Did you read that right?

I HAVE FAILED.

My self control & will power fizzle out. My motivation, drive and determination seem to fade as early as 1 week in. I hate it. I know it's me. I've always known it was me and not the "diets". I'm sure all of them would work if I were willing to make them work, but I always quit. I give in to temptation. Food binges and cravings always seem to consume my thoughts and quickly cloud my judgments to where I can no longer see my goals.

But, on this I swear, NOT THIS TIME!

I really can't tell you why I fell like "THIS TIME" is different. I just feel like it is. I feel like I am finally so tired of failed attempts and broken promises that for once, I have enough determination to follow through...to FINALLY have an after picture. I feel like, for what ever reason, this program, this new way of eating, this ISAGENIX, is just the right fit for me. I'm never hungry. It's is so CONVENIENT and SIMPLE (both of which I know are crucial to my commitment), and I don't feel like I am even trying! I don't WANT for anything. I don't CRAVE anything. I don't MISS anything. Truly, honestly and seriously...I don't. It is so WEIRD!! I don't miss ANYTHING...I'm never hungry! To sit at work or home and NOT be craving food is the most odd and AMAZING thing! To not have food on my mind all day long is, in itself, remarkable. I can't explain it, but I know I like it, and I know it's what I need to succeed.

My husband has always been a huge supporter of my weight loss attempts. Truth be told, he's always been a huge supporter period, even when I wasn't attempting weight loss. He loves ME, not what I look like, and tells me that all the time. My family on the other hand (with the exception of 2), really aren't very supportive or optimistic that I'll succeed this time. I'm sure it's most likely since I have attempted SO MANY TIMES and tried everything under the sun already. Why should they be? I'm a chronic quitter.

I want to prove them wrong.
I want to make my husband proud to have me on his arm.
I want to meet customers with my head held high in cute outfits and high heels.

For once, in 15 years, I have real hope, real visions, that those dreams are possible. I'm a hopeless romantic and hopeful skeptic.

Yes. I. Can!

2nd set of cleanse days

Odd but true story....

I actually went to bed last night, and woke up this morning, excited to start another cleanse.

I mean, who is ever EXCITED to not eat for 2 days?

Isagenix's slogan should be,

"Cleansing. It does your body good." or "Isagenix. Your body and mind will thank you."

That's the only reason I can think of that my brain would be excited; it makes my body feel good.

I had my first cleanse drink around 6:30 this morning, 30 mins after my supreme and accelerator. I also sucked on a snack tab since my last cleanse made me pretty nauseous. So far, so good; no nausea.

You know, there are a lot of thing in life that don't make sense to me. The way things are, the way people think, things people do/don't do. In conversation with people about my new journey, the most common question is "How much does it cost?" When I answer them, almost every single person gasps and says, "I could never afford that!" Things like that make me so frustrated, because if that's their mentality, then they're not where I am.

Would I rather be using the $275/month for a vacation, bills, savings account? Of course. But ultimately, I've learned in my life, that if you want something, you have to be willing to sacrifice something to get it. For me, I'm sacrificing some pleasures (eating out, movies, shopping). I readjusted my expenses to allow for this to be added. I didn't get a bonus; my financial status hasn't changed. I just really want to be happy, more than anything else, and this could be the way to get that.

So while other may not ever be able to "afford" the Isa products, I know that I cannot afford to at least give it a try. I cannot afford the repercussions that my parents are suffering from their overweight lives. I don't want to be on medications in 5 years for the rest of my life. I don't want to have hip or knee replacements or back surgeries. I don't want to have angiograms or heart attack scares or worse. I don't want to be part of a scary statistic.

I want to teach my kids through example NOW how to be healthy, rather than deal with their weight problems. I want to play with them for hours without exhaustion To know that I will be there in 10, 20, 50 years to see them get married and have babies and grow old themselves. I want them to be proud of me, to have them not ashamed of their fat mom. To be described by others as anything other than, "the heavier girl". I want to love who I see in the mirror, to accept my body because I know how hard I've worked for it, flaws and all. I want to wear a little black dress, to wear high heels and zip up boots...the list of wants is endless.

Money may not buy you happiness, but it can buy Isagenix. I am still cautiously optimistic that it (Isagenix) may be just as good.