Mind Hunger

I'm afraid that I've been struggling.

There is trouble in paradise.

So, you get to read it, and judge me (or not), because this is where I need to record my...umm...faults...so that I can learn from then and move on. This is where I journal every good and bad moment, to recollect when I meet my goal...to remind myself just how much I fought to be there.

I have been so weak these past few days. Seriously, a mentally weak fool.

I've given into every occasion that my "mind hunger" surfaces, that good old monster named Personal Sabotage.

I've eaten cookies, chips (a lot), and even CANDY, POPCORN and FRIES. What is wrong with me?!? I KNOW they are bad. I KNOW how hard it will be to straighten back out once I "let" myself give in. I KNOW how much energy and effort it takes to burn just a tenth of what I've eaten. And, despite knowing that, despite telling myself while in the act, I continued to eat.

Gosh, I feel like such a failure. Like such a little weak minded fool. Like the me who wants to stay strong and on-course was pushed into the corner and forced to stay there watching in disgust while Mr. Sabotage ate away. An now, here I am, left with the aftermath of my weakness.

Am I really THIS weak? Am I really THIS broken?

I referred to my vision board for some encouragement...and this caught my eye:

A bad day is OK. A bad week, not so much. Giving up? Not an option.

Ok, so I fell off the wagon...again....

The only time I have truly FAILED is when I stop trying, right?

Lord, give me strength to keep my priority and goal in sight. Grant me the strength to keep my mind hunger and monsters at bay and the will to overcome their temptations. Give me the strength I need to be in control of my body and mind, and the power to say no and walk away.

Amen.