Honesty

Ok, time for honesty.

Today is the 10th week I've been on Isagenix. Feels longer than that, but there it is.

I started at 215.8 and am currently 198.0, which is a total loss of 17.8 pounds. That's about 1.5 pounds a week, when you average it out, but that is a deceiving number. You see, I've been wavering between 202 - 198 pounds for the past 4 weeks or so. Therefore, all of that weight was lost in the beginning, and I haven't lost anything in 4 weeks.

It. SUCKS.

I've called my Aunt and whined, she gave me a hard dose of reality: you can quit or stick with it and see what happens. I've emailed Jill Birth for advice, and (the doll that she is) she gave me a lot of suggestions to jump start my loss again. I'll be starting them today.

I've told myself that maybe I'm not doing everything I could be to obtain the best results, and (because this is an honesty post) I haven't been.

I HAVEN'T been EXERCISING
I HAVEN'T been SUPER STRICT every day with my eating
I HAVEN'T been SNACKING as I should be
I HAVEN'T been SLEEPING enough (my doing)
I HAVEN'T been OPTIMISTIC about this program since I hit my plateau
I HAVEN'T been CONSISTENT about taking my accelerator pills or Ionix
I HAVEN'T been MEASURING my progress
I HAVEN'T been EATING my meals/shakes/bars on schedule as instructed

So, I haven't really been doing EVERYTHING right, and that could be my problem.
I told myself that I was going to follow this protocol 100% because I always quit or tweak things to suit my desires and weaknesses.

I cannot allow that to happen again.

17.8 pounds is a lot. PERIOD

I need to get off the pity train, recognize that I am 17.8 pounds lighter than I was 10 weeks ago, stop making excuses and crying about the numbers...and just move forward. If I don't change then nothing else will...including the numbers on the scale and measuring tape.

I know what I need to do to succeed. I need to stop telling myself that I'm doing everything right, when I know I "cheat" at times and don't follow the program precisely as it was written.

If I fail, it is my fault, and frankly...FAILURE is NOT an option.

Breaking the cycle

Wow! There were 3 negative/depressing posts in a row. 3 posts detailing about all the things I've done wrong and how I've failed myself.

Well, not this one!

This post is to journal the good things. The decisions I've made that were good. Because, after all, there cannot be "bad" unless there is a "good", right?

In the (almost) 2 months I've been on the Isagenix program, I....

• haven't had a single fast food meal. Not one. My family occasionally insists on bringing the mouth watering, but oh so bad for you, "food" home...but there is never a meal for me. I say NO. I opt to drink a shake or eat a bar. And that makes me proud.
• haven't had a sip of soda...or anything other than water, for that matter. HOLLAH
• have made a conscious effort to work out at least 3 times a week
• have noticed my clothes fitting more loosely
  
• have been so aware of everything I eat. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
• have been trying to accept that this is a new lifestyle...not diet...and that it is what will ultimately get me to my goal weight of 150
• have taken a liking to the shakes and snacks
• have cleansed at least 1 day every week
• have FINALLY dropped into the 100's again.

While they may be small victories...they ARE victories. I, for one, am so thrilled to be on the road to health and happiness.

2 days later, and I'm back on track

Everyone has bad days. If you claim that you NEVER have a few in a row, I would call you a liar.

We're human. We're not perfect. That's what makes us who we are.

I have 3 beautiful, wonderful and loving kids. They are my whole world. PERIOD. As their mom, I get to teach them the tools and lessons that they will use time and time again in life. I teach them how to be kind, generous and to love themselves others. I teach them to be in control & responsible for their actions. I teach them that they will fail many times before they succeed, but that they must always keep trying because each failure teaches a lesson and makes them stronger. I tell them every day how much they are loved and how important it is to love yourself. I teach them that the only opinions that really matter in life are God's, their parents and their own.

Yet, even though I am a very good teacher and an excellent Mommy, I have to admit that over time, I've become a pretty crappy student. Sometimes, it's necessary to take a step back, shut-up, and (on rare occasion) let your students become your teacher.

Last night, as I was washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen, my 12 year old daughter came up to me and told me that she could tell I was losing weight, and that I looked great. I did my automatic response of, "No, I haven't. I'm still so fat." Then she said,

"Mom, why are you always putting yourself down?
You need to learn to accept a compliment and realize that you are doing a really good job."

That shut me up.

She was absolutely right. A 12 year old put me in my place.

How can I expect others to support me, to believe in me and to encourage me, when I can't even accept a compliment? The bottom line is, until I believe in myself, until I can encourage myself and love myself (faults and all), neither will others around me.

So I made a few mistakes and have been a victim of my self sabotage...who hasn't? Time to put my big girl panties on, learn from my mistakes and keep trying. I can't get to my goal weight by sitting in self pity. I'll never be on the "stage of victory" if I don't climb the steps.

1 Corinthians 9:24: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

And that, my friends, is what I'm going to do. I'll see you at the finish line. I'll be the one crying and accepting compliments.

Mind Hunger

I'm afraid that I've been struggling.

There is trouble in paradise.

So, you get to read it, and judge me (or not), because this is where I need to record my...umm...faults...so that I can learn from then and move on. This is where I journal every good and bad moment, to recollect when I meet my goal...to remind myself just how much I fought to be there.

I have been so weak these past few days. Seriously, a mentally weak fool.

I've given into every occasion that my "mind hunger" surfaces, that good old monster named Personal Sabotage.

I've eaten cookies, chips (a lot), and even CANDY, POPCORN and FRIES. What is wrong with me?!? I KNOW they are bad. I KNOW how hard it will be to straighten back out once I "let" myself give in. I KNOW how much energy and effort it takes to burn just a tenth of what I've eaten. And, despite knowing that, despite telling myself while in the act, I continued to eat.

Gosh, I feel like such a failure. Like such a little weak minded fool. Like the me who wants to stay strong and on-course was pushed into the corner and forced to stay there watching in disgust while Mr. Sabotage ate away. An now, here I am, left with the aftermath of my weakness.

Am I really THIS weak? Am I really THIS broken?

I referred to my vision board for some encouragement...and this caught my eye:

A bad day is OK. A bad week, not so much. Giving up? Not an option.

Ok, so I fell off the wagon...again....

The only time I have truly FAILED is when I stop trying, right?

Lord, give me strength to keep my priority and goal in sight. Grant me the strength to keep my mind hunger and monsters at bay and the will to overcome their temptations. Give me the strength I need to be in control of my body and mind, and the power to say no and walk away.

Amen.

2nd month comfort dangers

Today is week 5 for me and my Isa journey. I've found that since I did so well with my first month, I'm slowly becoming more lackadaisical with my eating habits and strictness.

This is not good.

I've been allowing myself to eat baked tortilla chips and salsa as part of my meals, rationalizing the chips as my carbs and the salsa as my veggies. I've been allowing myself to be careless with my eating schedule, which in turn ignites my hunger pangs to become ravenous, thus willing me to over eat.

This is not good.

I've been more relaxed and prone to temptation when it surfaces, and even noticed once that I was eating while in conversation just because the snack food was out! Oy vey!!

This is not good!

I have suffered the consequence for my nonchalant and reckless attitude; I haven't lost a single ounce in 2 weeks.

Zip. Zilch. Nada. And, I know, it is completely MY fault.

One thing that is good however, is that I recognize it. I own it. I am accountable and ready to self correct. Ready to get back on the horse and act as though this is my first week, not my 5th. Ready to take my weaknesses and errors and play them to my advantage by revamping my routine.

Alterations will be as follows

1. Typically, based solely on the day I started Isa, my cleanse days are Wednesday & Thursdays. Not anymore. Weekends are the days when I actually spend a little time at home, thereby allowing myself to make poor choices due to bountiful temptations. Therefore, the weekends are now going to be my new cleanse days.
2. I am a snacker. There, I've said it. I like to snack at social gatherings, when my kids and I get home and start homework, when I watch TV... While I can subdue MOST of these urges/habits, there are times when snacking is beneficial to my body as well as my mind...like in between my shake/meal/shake. Therefore, every weekend, while I'm cleansing, I will prepare pre-measured snack bags of items allowed items that are suitable for snacking (almonds, apples, walnuts, isa delights). Why snack baggies? Because, for me, convenience is key.
3. It is easy for me to get discouraged and lose sight of my ultimate goal when I don't SEE radical and daily results. I know that is unrealistic, still, it's the truth. I made a vision board to help inspire me every morning and to remind me that I can do this. The sale is NOT my friend. No, it is not. I promised to only weight myself once a week, but I lied. I really need to hold true to that promise and only weigh in on measure days, which is every 2 weeks. A bit brash? Perhaps. But it is definitely what I need.
4. Since I am so easily discouraged and tend to lose focus, I made a vision board. It will be posted, much to my husband's dismay, on our bathroom mirror. I need to see it every morning; to read the words that I feel motivate and compel me to be my best "me". I will also write little post it notes in subtle and hidden spots to remind me when, let's say, I open the chip cabinet, that should I make that choice, I will be sabotaging myself. Little phrases like, "It takes an hour of brisk walking to burn off a handful of chips. Is it worth it?
   
5. While many people tend to make excuses for their inability to exercise CLAIMING that they don't have time, I really don't have time. Therefore, I need to figure a way to squeeze it into my very well organized and full schedule. Excuses are just reasons for people who don't want to try. That isn't me. I can walk/jog during my son's football practice and when my daughter is in her dance class. There. Problem solved.

So, routine tweaked...mind redirected...ready for month # 2

One Month Updated Photos

Here they are! My one month progress photos.

WOWZERS!

Major mood swings...

I woke up this morning completely energized, excited to start my Friday, and so happy to have completed my 5th cleanse. I was in a GREAT mood!

15 minutes later, I was showered and ready to pick out a Fall-ish type outfit since the weather dropped from the 90's to 50's in 3 days (yeah, welcome to the desert). I walked into my closet, so excited and ready to SLIP into a pair of jeans, certain they would be baggy...only to find that they were SUPER tight. I went from being so happy to the most angry and confused I've been in MONTHS.

What. The. HELL?!

I tried on pair after pair, only to repeat the outcome each and every time.

The definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This morning, I was completely insane.

Major BAD mood.

After unintentionally taking my disappointment, anger and frustration on my kids, I was able to calm down, and my anger and frustration morphed into defeat and depression. I just felt so hopeless. Like, no matter what I do, I keep going in this circle of losing 10 pounds, gaining 20, loosing 20 pounds, gaining 30. I mean, after all, that's how I got to be so overweight. It is so discouraging.

During my 25 minute drive to work, it was all I could think about. I didn't even have the radio on. I was just thinking the whole time. My thought process went something like this:

"I can't believe I don't fit into my winter clothes!
How could I have GAINED so much over the summer?
How did I not even notice that I had gained?
How can those 14 pounds not be showing a difference yet?
How did I gain weight?!
How could I have let myself go AGAIN?!?

But just wait a minute.....

Imagine how you would feel if you hadn't lost those 14 pounds in the past 31 days.
Imagine if you hadn't tried Isagenix and were still hopeless and helpless about your weight?
But you're not hopeless or helpless, because you ARE on Isagenix.
You did lose 14 pounds in 31 days and you ARE going to keep losing.
Imagine how you're going to feel in another 31 days when you're down another 5-10 pounds.
And imagine how by the end of winter, it won't be you that is too big to fit your jeans, it will be your jeans that are too big to fit you!
Imagine going in your closet and feeling HAPPY that NOTHING fits!
In 31 days you have lost 14 pounds and 22".
You should be so proud of yourself!"

Back to being encouraged and optimistic.

I hate when I'm so moody!

One whole MONTH down!

Can I just say one thing?

Ahh-Maize-Zing

That's how I feel. Truly. Simply. Totally.

Today is such a fabulous day. My baby turned 5 today (boo hooo hoo!), it's payday, the week is half done....and it also marks ONE MONTH that I've been on Isagenix!

M measurements this morning were

Weight: 202.6
Inches lost: 20.5

So, total weight lost this month is 13 POUNDS and 20.5 inches.

Seeing as how today is my daughter's birthday, let's compare my loss to her birth stats.

Jadyn was 5 weeks early and a tiny little peanut (She's still pretty tiny), and weighed in at 5 pounds 14 oz and measured at 18.5".

So, to put things in perspective here...I've lost a little over TWICE what she weighed at birth and 2" OVER her length in overall inches.

I've already shared a photo of me with her when she was born, but here is one of just her, all curled up in her newborn cuteness, just so you get an idea of what we're talking about here....

Yeah, I'm that awesome.

I am so thrilled to be on this journey. This path that is finally leading to a new life. A healthy life where I can regain control of my life. I know that the times ahead are going to be challenging. I've been so much more tempted to give in to Mr. Sabotage because I have been doing so well. My old habit of rewarding myself with a weekend off the diet had been trying to resurface, but I am so stinking proud that I have held strong and true.

I cannot wait to see how much I change in the next 5 months. I hope to be able to post a current picture of my little 5 year old to compare my weight loss with her current stats. Won't that be something to be able to say that in 6 months, I have lost a complete 5 year old's weight and inches?!

I know it can be done!

Good Old Mr. Personal Sabotage

I have a lot of bad habits...and they're hard to break. I hit the snooze button on my alarm every morning. Twice. I stay up late until 11:00 watching TV, reading or to finish crafts (it's the only "ME" time there is). I personally, but subconsciously, attempt (and usually succeed) to sabotage every diet or weight loss attempt/program I embark....

I did it again last night.

Picture this:

There I was, minding my own business and making my kid's school lunches. Paige likes ham & cheese, Coleton Nutella, and my little 4 yr old Jadyn likes good ole' PB & J. Pretty routine night, aside from coaching my volleyball team's practice, my team also had a scrimmage, which made for a late dinner for the kids and rushed bedtime. So, anyway...back to the lunches. After I made their sandwiches, it was time for the chips. We only buy baked, because if they HAVE to have chips (and my kids HAVE to have chips) then those are better than the alternative. Jadyn likes pretzels, Coleton likes Baked Lays, and Paige likes Pop Chips. (am I a nice mom, or what?! such personalization.) I closed up the chip bags, except for the Pop Chips, and continued with the lunches and putting things away, all the while, subconsciously snacking on the Pop Chips. I had eaten about 20 before I even noticed that I was stuffing my face!

"MELANIE!" my brain was screaming. "WHAT the HECK are you DOING?!?" You see, not only should I not have been eating Pop Chips, but I shouldn't have been eating ANYTHING since yesterday was day 1 of my cleanse.

CRAP. That nasty old MONSTER of a habit, named Personal Sabotage (that I was doing SO WELL detaining) figured a way out of MY CONTROL. There it was, silently slithering it's way back into my life, desperately trying to snatch any control or success I had acquired. He was angry, he was ugly, and he was determined. This is what he looks like:

You know what though? This time Mr. Personal Sabotage did NOT win. He did not succeed in dampening my spirits or deterring me from my goal. No, he did NOT. I reeled that bad habit back into his hole and double locked his cell because I AM IN CONTROL.

We'll see what, if any damage, the sabotage attempt had, but at this point, all I can do is move forward.

After reflecting on the event a little this morning and last night, I've noticed a mean lingering headache and strong snacking urges this cleanse. The past 3 cleanses haven't been nearly as difficult to remain strong...but this cleanse happened to fall on my TOM. While I will complete this cleanse, in the future, as this is my first month on Isagenix, I've decided that cleansing during my TOM isn't a good idea for me. I am feeling tired and this headache will not leave. It may be a little too much for what I can handle. I'll continue to play things by ear, and adjust as necessary for what feels right for me.

I am so proud of myself. Not only did I survive my first sabotage attempt, but I'm not beating myself up about it. I'm not depressed, I'm not reliving it, I'm not discouraged! Old habits are hard to break, and your body will fight you and test your strength, but in time, old habits will be replaced with new habits. Until then, I'll just keep on keepin' on and do my best to remain in control.

Plain and simple...PLANNING is KEY

3 weeks COMPLETE, and I feel FABULOUS!

I weighed in this morning at 205.2. I started at 215.6, so in 3 weeks, I'm down 10.4 pounds. That's 10.4 pounds NOT during a cleanse, and after a weekend of (GULP) eating at a restaurant! A real, solid 10.4 pounds GONE!!

Not bad! ~ 3.5 pounds a week loss is some pretty good numbers! Yes-sir-ree Bob.

My weight loss goal is to lose 2 - 2.5 pounds a week. That way, by the end of my 6 month "trial" I'll hopefully be down 50 - 60 pounds. I say "trial" because it's quickly becoming apparent to me that this is not a "diet"...it is becoming my life...my way of eating for life.

Yes, I know that there will be some weeks/months that are slow going. Yes, I know that there will be some occasions that lead me to eat in ways I know may not be the best...BUT, I know that this is a way of life, and I need to learn to accept, embrace and plan for those times. I know that I can no longer eat what or when I want and expect that I'll remain the same weight or lose. I can't say I ever REALLY thought that way; I've always been conscious of my eating habits. I've always KNOWN that when I made a choice to order a hamburger with fries I was hurting myself. I usually made healthier choices, but I defiantly allowed myself to bend on the rules, and by bending I mean breaking into a million pieces.

My problem was that I would do so well for a week, and then reward myself with a weekend (not a meal) of very unhealthy foods. I would make excuses for my poor dietary habits when I fell off the wagon by claiming that I was too busy to have anything other than fast food. I would feel bad for eating fast food, and would say, "Well, you're already breaking your diet rules, so why not order a LARGE fries rather than a small." or "Well, you already ate that yesterday, so might as well eat this today." Then, after time, I would be so disgusted with my poor decisions that I would just give up.

Somehow, today, this commitment seems easier. I don't know if it's because I'm older and more disciplined (aka desperate) or if it's because Isagenix really just seems to FIT into my lifestyle. I like to think that it's both reasons...but this is THE LONGEST, honestly, that I have gone without cheating, beating myself up about it, ultimately leading to such guilt that I ended up quitting all together.

I was pretty nervous for this weekend. Until this weekend, I've never been face to face with the temptation to eat off protocol. My life has been scheduled...consistently busy...therefore it's been easy for me to pack within my limitations without even feeling like they were limitations...which I guess they're really NOT anyway. This weekend, however, I knew we were going to be going out to lunch and a Diamondbacks baseball game. I expressed my fears to the Accountability Group, and one girl said the following quote that I intend to keep and live by for the rest of my life:

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

How true, how true, HOW TRUE!

I got to thinking...we live in the digital age. Most restaurants make available caloric counts for their menu items...so there was no reason I couldn't go online and chose what to order NOW so that when we sat down at the restaurant, I wasn't overwhelmed, under estimating or tempted to order something I shouldn't. SCORE! I decided on a great grilled chicken salad that was only 318 calories. On the big day, I ordered my salad, brought my own ff raspberry vinaigrette, and was SO FULL I couldn't even finish my meal! The restaurant we went to is famous for their 22" hot dog, called "The Unit", and I knew I wanted to try it. My dad and his wife ordered it, and so I asked for a BITE..and that's all I took. It was DELICIOUS and just what I needed to fill my craving, without the danger of calorie overload. At the baseball game, we told the kids we would get them ice cream. Knowing that I would have the temptation to eat one of my own, I pre-planned to allow myself 3 small spoons of the kid's treat. BELIEVE IT OR NOT...I had 3 small spoonfuls, and THAT was IT! I felt so satisfied that I wasn't missing out, and so proud that I was in control. ME. MOI. MYSELF.

What a feeling it is to have my control back. It has been missing for SO LONG!

I am so thankful. I am thankful for my Aunt, who introduced me to Isagenix and for her constant support and encouragement. I am thankful that I have FINALLY found a program that not only works, but makes me feel good and fits like a glove in my incredibly busy and stress-filled life. I am thankful that after 12+ years fighting my weight and hating myself, I am optimistic and determined that THIS IS MY TIME. I am thankful that my husband is such a constant supporter, who gave me a high 5 and huge hug when I announced my 10 pound loss this morning. I am thankful for my kids, who still watch me every morning to see if I make a face when I take my shot of Supreme. I'm thankful that I'm allowing myself to be happy, because I feel so gosh darn good these days.

Miracle pill this may not be. Perfect program for me, it most certainly is.

3rd cleanse...week 3

I have been sleeping SO WELL. It's amazing. For the past 3 days, I've actually woken (is that a word? Sounds so awkward) up 10 minutes before my alarm sounds. I've been lying in bed, awake and ready to start my day. It is such an amazing feeling. I feel so revived and stress free, and NOTHING in my life has been altered but the addition of Isagenix. I still have an incredibly rushed and stress-filled life. I still have 3 kids who morph from angels to demons in seconds. I still have a full time job, homework assignments & projects to help with, and 3 different sports to shuffle (one of which I coach).

And yet, I seem to be able to handle it better, because I am rested and resilient.

I just re-read my melt down post, and would like to apologize for my momentary loss of control...but I'm not going to. I'm not sorry for anything that happened, for anything that is happening, or anything that may happen to me on this journey. It is what it is...and the uncensored, ugly truth of my story is what will help me (and hopefully others) remember that every struggle makes me stronger. Every obstacle, melt down, incredible feat and event stands as a testament to my accomplishment.

In case you're not aware, I've signed up to do a 1/2 marathon in February. February 19, 2012, to be exact. I'm kind of starting to freak out about it. I need to kick it up a notch and get my butt moving! I know I can do it, I did it 2 years ago, but I was in such better shape and I had a friend do it with me. See? Here we are at the finish line...


This time, I think I'm going solo.

Yeah...freaking out just a little.

I need to keep reminding myself that no success comes without a lot of hard work or pain.

"PAIN & SUFFERING ARE THE BLESSINGS THAT NO ONE WANTS"

I want them.

I want the results that I know come from the blessing, the result that I know I will never achieve just by want alone.

Now if I could just figure out how to make the days a little longer so I could find time to start working out....I think I'll use my new found rested mind & body to my advantage and start waking up 45 minutes earlier!

So What's my Story?

I've had a few messages on Facebook about my story and how long I've been struggling with my weight. I figured, I could write them all the same answer, or I could just point them here to read my story along with you.

Once upon a time, I was born. In 1977 to be exact. I am the 2nd eldest of 6 kids. During my early childhood, weight was never an issue. I was a skinny beanpole.

In my late teen years, I put on a little weight. Not so much that I was fat, but enough to become self conscious and have my mom talk to me all the time about my eating habits. I was a size 10-12. Oh, what I'd give to be in that size again!!! I graduated high school in 1996. See...here I am.
Directly after high school, I joined the Army. I had 9 months until deployment, and spent some time with the sergeants training for boot camp. But I was bored, despite already having a job, so I started working at Kohl's. Shortly after starting at Kohl's, I met my now husband. We knew right away that we were soul mates (insert the awww's). After 3 months of dating, and confirming that we knew we were to be married one day, I made the choice to not sign my final Army enrollment forms.

We were married when I was 20. My husband had full custody of his 8 year old son, so I became an instant Mom. Our first daughter was when born when I was 21. In order to survive and pay bills, I worked the night shift and my husband worked days. Since my step-son was in school and our daughter was a newborn, I ended up being awake in a catatonic state for 18-20 hours a day.

I ate to stay awake.
A lot.
And so began my "real" struggle with weight.

When my daughter was 9 months, we moved from IL to AZ. I didn't know anyone, but adjusted to our new home, and got pregnant with my son.

After my son was born in 2001, I started my dieting regime. I tried Metabolife, Herbalife, Apple Cider Vinegar, some Chinese tea, Weight Watchers, Curves, and even Isagenix for a week or 2.

Yeah, the diet market made thousands off of me, and I failed to complete each and every weight loss attempt. This is me in 2003 at my brother's wedding.
I am in the purple...why did ANYONE allow me to wear that dress?!?! (as a side note, all the kids there are mine! Aren't they cute?!)

Anyway, so as you can see...I had gained a lot of weight, and wasn't doing a very good job of losing it.

I hit an all time personal best (worst) at 254 pounds, but it never stopped me from trying to lose. My problem was, and still is, that I get successful losing 10-20 pounds over time, but in 2 months, I'd gain 20-30 back.

In 2005, at my all time high, I got pregnant with my last daughter. I'll never forget my OBGYN telling me that I was way too fat. Every time I went in for a check up, I was reminded and scolded for my weight. That was the ONLY pregnancy that I watched my weight with, and when I had my daughter, I was actually 10 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight.
After my daughter's birth, I knew that losing weight was possible. I did my best to watch my eating. My motivation? My sister's wedding. There was NO WAY I was going to do a repeat of my brother's wedding photos.

No. Way.

In addition to healthy eating, I used to work out a lot. I joined a gym, did Nutri-Systems and then Jenny Craig. By the time her wedding came around, I had lost a total of 40 pounds...in about 11 months. Here is our picture at her bridal shower & me with my youngest at the wedding.



So, fast forward to today...I've been able to keep MOST of the weight I lost off, but feel like a yo-yo when I step on the scale. Try as I may, I cannot seem to dip below the nasty 200 number or freaking size 18 pants. It drives me crazy.

So, when I heard my Aunt telling me how much faith she has in Isagenix, I thought I'd give it another try. After all, in all honesty, I didn't give it a fair shot 10 years ago when I tried it, and I defiantly didn't have a personal coach to help me when I needed it.

Today I am more mature. More determined. More controlled. More deserving.

Today, I truly believe that I am worth the effort. ME. I am worth the end goal and I deserve to be healthy and happy. Of course for my kids and husband, but also for ME.

So, here is the last of my before pictures. I feel confident and determined that I will never cringe at my picture again as I do so to every single one in the past.

This WAS me struggling with my weight.


I cannot wait to show you how I look in 6 months!

It's My (Pity) Party, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

This was a hard weekend for me. I can't tell you one thing in particular that made it "hard" but a lot of thing combined, topped off with a dumb decision to weigh in prematurely, put me in a tailspin headed straight for self destruction.

The pity train made a special stop at my front door, and I didn't hesitate at all to hop aboard. I was so depressed. I cried. I yelled. I sent my kids to bed promptly at 7:30 so that I could wallow in my self pity for the rest of the night. I lashed out at my husband, telling him I just wanted to be left alone. I vented on the accountability group, only to sneer at all of the helpful comments/advice people offered. Yeah, it was pretty ugly.

I always do this to myself. I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.

I purposely "hid" my scale from sight (as in took it out of my bathroom and put it downstairs in a cupboard) because I know that the fluctuating numbers have been the source of my demise may times before. I KNOW THIS. I thought that by hiding it from sight, only allowing myself a ONCE A WEEK weigh in, I would eliminate the possibility for disappointment. I thought that this time I would be immune to the "2nd week blues."

I was wrong.

I'm still feeling discouraged this morning. Not as much as last night, but not nearly as energized or optimistic as I have in the past. The good news is that I've just pulled the cord to stop this pity train and get off. Parties aren't very fun when you're the only guest.

Today is a new day. A fresh start. A new attitude.

Today will be better, because I say it will be. Today the numbers won't be able to tell me how I'm doing; I'll know by how I feel. It is so important for me to remember, that on this journey, I am in charge. I am the one who decides which train to board; the train leading to pity-town or the one headed to happiness and success. The happiness and success train, I've found, is a lot more fun to be on!

First 9 day cleanse....completed

Quick summary of recent events:

• September 5 - The day I drank my first ever Isagenix shake
• 215.6 - My starting weight on 9/5/2011
• September 12, 2011 - One week on the Isagenix program
• 211.6 - My weight on 9/12/11
• September 16, 2011 - 9 day cleanse complete
• 205.2 - My weight this morning.
  

Now, if you're following along, and can do simple math, that's a total of 10.4 pounds in 9 days!

I stepped on the scale 3 times, then had my 4 year old step on it, and then I tried again. Every time, it was 205.2. I am still in shock.

Now, I'm not gong to say that I'm not thrilled with the amazing results in just 9 days, but I'm still cautious and not giving my hopes up. I've been here before; great initial results that taper off to plateaus and then regains. Like many of you, I feel like I've tried everything:

Weight Watchers (twice)
Jenny Craig
HCG (twice)
Slim Fast
Diet pills too many to recall or count
and even a more drastic measure that I'm still not ready to fess up to

Each and every attempt I have failed.

Did you read that right?

I HAVE FAILED.

My self control & will power fizzle out. My motivation, drive and determination seem to fade as early as 1 week in. I hate it. I know it's me. I've always known it was me and not the "diets". I'm sure all of them would work if I were willing to make them work, but I always quit. I give in to temptation. Food binges and cravings always seem to consume my thoughts and quickly cloud my judgments to where I can no longer see my goals.

But, on this I swear, NOT THIS TIME!

I really can't tell you why I fell like "THIS TIME" is different. I just feel like it is. I feel like I am finally so tired of failed attempts and broken promises that for once, I have enough determination to follow through...to FINALLY have an after picture. I feel like, for what ever reason, this program, this new way of eating, this ISAGENIX, is just the right fit for me. I'm never hungry. It's is so CONVENIENT and SIMPLE (both of which I know are crucial to my commitment), and I don't feel like I am even trying! I don't WANT for anything. I don't CRAVE anything. I don't MISS anything. Truly, honestly and seriously...I don't. It is so WEIRD!! I don't miss ANYTHING...I'm never hungry! To sit at work or home and NOT be craving food is the most odd and AMAZING thing! To not have food on my mind all day long is, in itself, remarkable. I can't explain it, but I know I like it, and I know it's what I need to succeed.

My husband has always been a huge supporter of my weight loss attempts. Truth be told, he's always been a huge supporter period, even when I wasn't attempting weight loss. He loves ME, not what I look like, and tells me that all the time. My family on the other hand (with the exception of 2), really aren't very supportive or optimistic that I'll succeed this time. I'm sure it's most likely since I have attempted SO MANY TIMES and tried everything under the sun already. Why should they be? I'm a chronic quitter.

I want to prove them wrong.
I want to make my husband proud to have me on his arm.
I want to meet customers with my head held high in cute outfits and high heels.

For once, in 15 years, I have real hope, real visions, that those dreams are possible. I'm a hopeless romantic and hopeful skeptic.

Yes. I. Can!

Life is a highway.....

Quick entry here today, as I thought of a great analogy/persuasive argument for people who want to lose weight but think it costs too much.

I was driving into work and the song, "Life is a Highway. I want to ride it all night long!" came on.
Great song.
It was in my head all day.

I got to work, still humming that song, and this idea came into my head.

If life is a highway, then I am the car. My BODY is my vehicle. My one trusty source of transportation, from the day we're born to the day we die. Why wouldn't I do ANYTHING...EVERYTHING...to maintain it and make sure it's running in tip top shape??

We, on average, spend over $500/month on our mechanical cars, just to HAVE them and make them run. That doesn't include their maintenance or repairs. On average, we only have those mechanical vehicles for 5-8 years before we trade them in for another, more expensive, car.

If we're OK with spending that kind of money on a car that we only keep for 5-8 years, why the heck aren't we OK with spending less than half of that on our personal bodies (cars) that we keep for 80+ years?!?!

And, though it's well known that if you don't keep up with maintaining your mechanical cars, they're sure to have shorter lifespans and frequent breakdowns, we seem to forget that the same is true with our bodies.

And so my friends...Life IS our highway. And I personally, really do want to to ride all LIFE long.

2nd set of cleanse days

Odd but true story....

I actually went to bed last night, and woke up this morning, excited to start another cleanse.

I mean, who is ever EXCITED to not eat for 2 days?

Isagenix's slogan should be,

"Cleansing. It does your body good." or "Isagenix. Your body and mind will thank you."

That's the only reason I can think of that my brain would be excited; it makes my body feel good.

I had my first cleanse drink around 6:30 this morning, 30 mins after my supreme and accelerator. I also sucked on a snack tab since my last cleanse made me pretty nauseous. So far, so good; no nausea.

You know, there are a lot of thing in life that don't make sense to me. The way things are, the way people think, things people do/don't do. In conversation with people about my new journey, the most common question is "How much does it cost?" When I answer them, almost every single person gasps and says, "I could never afford that!" Things like that make me so frustrated, because if that's their mentality, then they're not where I am.

Would I rather be using the $275/month for a vacation, bills, savings account? Of course. But ultimately, I've learned in my life, that if you want something, you have to be willing to sacrifice something to get it. For me, I'm sacrificing some pleasures (eating out, movies, shopping). I readjusted my expenses to allow for this to be added. I didn't get a bonus; my financial status hasn't changed. I just really want to be happy, more than anything else, and this could be the way to get that.

So while other may not ever be able to "afford" the Isa products, I know that I cannot afford to at least give it a try. I cannot afford the repercussions that my parents are suffering from their overweight lives. I don't want to be on medications in 5 years for the rest of my life. I don't want to have hip or knee replacements or back surgeries. I don't want to have angiograms or heart attack scares or worse. I don't want to be part of a scary statistic.

I want to teach my kids through example NOW how to be healthy, rather than deal with their weight problems. I want to play with them for hours without exhaustion To know that I will be there in 10, 20, 50 years to see them get married and have babies and grow old themselves. I want them to be proud of me, to have them not ashamed of their fat mom. To be described by others as anything other than, "the heavier girl". I want to love who I see in the mirror, to accept my body because I know how hard I've worked for it, flaws and all. I want to wear a little black dress, to wear high heels and zip up boots...the list of wants is endless.

Money may not buy you happiness, but it can buy Isagenix. I am still cautiously optimistic that it (Isagenix) may be just as good.

1 week down, a lifetime to go

Today ends one whole week that I have been a user.

I'm not ashamed to be a user. I don't want to stop using. I. Like. Using.

I'm not addicted to it yet; I mean, I can stop at anytime if I wanted to, but I don't want to.

Hello. My name is Melanie and I'm an Isagenix user.

I'm carefully optimistic of this new program. Careful because I've been here before. I've done this whole roller coaster of great initial results leading to plateaus and instant weight regain dozens of times before. This whole depressing cycle of great momentum followed by a steady decline of interest or control, ultimately leading to personal sabotage. Optimistic because this program seems to be, for me at least, a perfect balance of what I need to make it work this time. I get convenience twice a day (shakes) which is a MUST for me since I'm always on the go, and very flexible array of ingredients that allow endless possibilities for meal creations. I get to be creative, don't want for flavor or variety, and get the "full" sensation that I need. Throw in 2 days of pure will and determination, topped with a splash of dedication, and it's just what I need to re-access where my limits should be.

This morning, 1 week from my start date, I weighed in 4 pounds lighter and 4 inches smaller.

As I said, cautiously optimistic.

Items to note after my first week:

• Despite taking 2 IsaFlush tablets/night I am not....um.....doing well in that department. Sometimes I sit in the bathroom silently reciting in my head the witty poem often found in public stalls, "Here I sit broken hearted....." I'm hoping things get more regular once my body accepts this as the new routine.
• The weather is finally starting to cool down...I think. If it continues to be below 90° at night, I should be able to take some late-night adventures. Last night I went on a 7 mile bike ride, and surprisingly could have done at least another 3 miles.
• I have a garden that is producing a crazy amount of delicious cucumbers. I have been eating 2-3 a day in-between shakes/meals as snacks, just to keep up my metabolism and satisfy hunger sensations.
  
• I still can't get my chocolate shakes, which seem to mix much thicker than the vanilla, to meet my tastes. I'm able to down them without a problem, but really rather prefer the vanilla.
• I found it surprisingly more difficult to down the 4-5 liters of water over the weekend than during the week. Perhaps because I can drink all day in my office while I sit, while on the weekends we're busy with the kid's sports and errands. Nevertheless, I need to be aware of this and make a stern effort to maintain good hydration.

4 days down, including first cleanse

I can't believe it, but I did it.

And to be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Welcome to my story. My no holds barred, no reservations, no hidden trials, open, honest and RAW diary of my journey on Isagenix.

I am just like any of you who need to read this. Overweight, unhappy with my self image, low self esteem, and willing to try anything, ANYTHING, to lose the weight.

About 3 weeks ago, my Aunt sent out a bulk Facebook message introducing this program she and my Uncle had been on called Isagenix. After nearly 18 months of a very difficult and ineffective weight-loss era and nearly losing my sanity, I contacted her to learn more. Long story short, I liked what I heard, but was particularly moved by how passionate she was about the results. After our conversation, I agreed to try it.

Day 1 was on Monday Labor day, September 5. I took my measurements, weight & photos (as I entered the Isagenix Challenge) and tried my first chocolate shake. It wasn't great, but tolerable. For 2 days I followed their "shake-meal-shake" plan. My meals were spinach salads with grilled chicken, reduced fat dressing and LOTS of veggies. I also ate apples and almonds for snacks.

Days 3 & 4 were scary for me to imagine, but now that I'm past them, they weren't that bad. They were the CLEANSE days, where you eat nothing, only drink water and their Cleanse for Life product 4 times a day. They do encourage you to eat their Isa Snacks in between the cleanse drinks, which really helped stop my brain from wanting to cheat.

Things I want to note from my first 4 days:

• I am drinking about 1+ gallons of water a day. Usually 5 liters, but 4 on average. The odd thing is, that this has ALWAYS been hard for me, but for some reason, this time it isn't.
• The first night of my cleanse, I slept the best I have in 12 years. Didn't wake up once and felt so good in the morning.
  
• The second night of my cleanse (last night), I slept the worst I have in quite a while. I woke up at least 5 times and could not rest. Not sure if it was because there was a lot on my mind or if Isagenix played a role. HOWEVER, despite a lack of sleep, I'm feeling pretty rested and not sluggish as I normally would have.
• I did not cheat at all. Not even 1 calorie's worth of cheat in there.
• Due to my busy schedule, the only workout I got in was an hour of volleyball practice Wednesday night.
• I am following this program without any alterations. I will also be making every effort to prepare my daily meals personally, since convenience comes with 2 price tags: More money and preservatives/chemical components.
  

Rather than allow myself to become obsessed over my weight as is usually the case when I try to lose weight, I am only weighing myself when I measure, which is once a week. I plan on taking monthly photos so that I can see any changes over time and have something to look back on.

This morning, I got to drink a chocolate shake. Can I just tell you, I never looked forward to anything more that that first sip. OK, that's a lie. I look forward to my chicken spinach salad wrap this afternoon more!

I am very optimistic right now, and motivated. I pray to God that this feeling and momentum doesn't dissipate as time goes on. I have enrolled my friends, husband and Aunt to push me since they're in my face and close to hold me accountable for my actions.

Here's to Monday when I can measure and weigh again. We'll see if there are any results yet!